Drinking Games
by 13 Hella S
Summary: Post! Death Note. Matt was scrolling through the internet when he saw something interesting. "Oi Mello! What's a drinking game?" Curiosity got the better of him so Matt decided he and his friends would get drunk together. Who would have thought that they would be singing Toxic and playing SCP Containment Breech?


Hello readers, boredom got to me again and this was the result. I suggest you proceed with popcorn.

Disclaimer: I own the story, not Death Note... *cries*

...

Matt was bored. He beat all of his video games countless times, so he decided to 'borrow' L's laptop and search the internet for random crap. This turned out to be more boring then watching paint dry. By the time he looked up 'severe foot fungus' on Google images he knew he was slowly going insane from boredom.

Mello offered to take him outside to look for something interesting... Matt was bored, not desperate. Yet.

The redhead sighed._ 'Since when was the internet this boring?'_ He wondered, he looked up some games and saw a recommended game for someone called 'Mathias'.

The drinking game.

What?

Apparently you had to drink every time a certain thing happened, for example; If you were playing the pokemon drinking game, you had to drink every time Pikachu said 'pika pi'. Matt thought it over before grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen from the desk in his room. He started writing a list of things his friends and neutrals did at least twice a day.

Here was the list he made:

Drink every time L rants about justice.

Every time Mello eats chocolate or insults Near, drink.

Every time B eats jam from the jar, drink.

Every time Matt (yes he included himself in the list) lights a cigarette, drink.

Every time Near blinks, drink.

Every time Matt turns on a console of any kind, drink.

Every time B glances over someone's head, drink.

Every time Watari brings L a new cart of sweets, drink.

Every time Roger complains about children, drink.

Every time Near twirls his hair, drink.

Every time L sits in his gargoyle position, drink.

Every time Mello does jazz hands, drink.

Okay the last one was highly unlikely but like I said, Matt was bored. And there's a chance Mello might do it if he's drunk enough.

The gamer realized if they agreed they would most likely do other lists but that wasn't important right now.

Matt left his room, list in hand, he knocked on Mello's door until me was sure the blonde was ignoring him.

"Mello, open the door! I would just walk in but you might be changing or something!" The gamer said, he continued to pound on the door until he almost accidentally punched Mello in the face.

"Mattie, do you have any idea what time it is?" Mello asked calmly, Matt could see his eye twitching. Crap.

"Yeah it's three, anyways I've gotta game we could play with everyone but we need to get a lot of alcohol," Matt replied, he held up the list and Mello took it. He looked over it and sighed, resisting the urge to face-palm.

"The drinking game... Why not? But I'll help you get the alcohol when it's a resonable hour!" Mello snapped, he gave Matt the sheet back and closed the door

"But it's only three o'clock!" Matt stated loudly.

"In the morning, now go to sleep! And I will never do jazz hands!" The tired blonde yelled, he locked his door before crawling into his bed.

_'Mattie... you're a damn insomniac.'_

Matt was going to go back to his room but L came out of his room saying he was looking for his laptop, the gamer deleted the history on the laptop and set it down on the hallway floor near L's room. Once he was done that, he went back to his room and fell asleep. Panda man didn't need to know he was looking up random drinking crap on his laptop.

When Matt woke up at 1:00 p.m he ran all over Wammy's House, looking for people who would play his new game. Half an hour later Mello, Near, L, A, B, and himself agreed to play later. It took a lot of convincing for some people but soon enough, everyone was in the living room, sitting in a circle, with seven cases of beer.

"So how do we start this?" L asked, he had never played a drinking game before, none of them had.

Well B did _ go _to a bar once but he was thrown out before he could be completely drunk so he doesn't count.

"Since you're sitting in your weird gargoyle position we could start with that," Matt said. He opened a bottle and drank it, the others did the same.

"Now what?" Near asked, he felt funny.

"I kept track of the numbers of what we did so we could just drink the same amount of drinks," A suggested, they agreed.

Time's Near blinked: 12

Time's L sat in his position: 4

Time's Mello did jazz hands: 1 (Mello: I did not do jazz hands!)

Times B looked over someone's head: 9

Times Near twirled his hair: 12

Times Watari brought L a new cart of sweets: 2

Times Matt lite a cigarette: 1

Times L ranted about justice: 3

Times Mello insulted Near and/or ate chocolate: 14

Times Matt turned on a console: 2

Times Roger complained about children: 9

Over all they had to drink 59 bottles/glasses/cans of beer.

"Well... shit." Mello swore, they were definitely going to the hospital for liver poisoning.

"Is it even possible for an adult, let alone preteen, drink that much without going into a coma?" Near asked calmly, Matt shook his head.

"Maybe we should drink as many as we can..." L uttered, everyone nodded, grabbed a bottle and started to drink. That was one of the worst things the Wammy boys could have done.

Thirty-one... Beers... Later...

"An' I tol er tha I..! Am no Ameran, I'm-a Engli, from teh lan of ENGS evrywar!" (translation: And I told her I am no American, I'm-a English, from the land of engs everywhere!) Matt slurred, he was hanging off of Mello's shoulder and the redhead looked COMPLETELY wasted. The blonde he was draped on was no better.

"N-n' wa! (No way!) Y-you... are a-a frenchie fry!" They looked into each others eyes, seeing sparks they leaned closer and... both burst out laughing and fell off the table they were sitting on, they landed on the floor with a loud 'fwuahmp'.

Near stumbled towards them holding a spoon, he stroked the spoon like it was a cat... Mew, meow motherfucker.

"This is... what's your name again?" The albino looked at the spoon, seeing his reflection stare back at him. "Oh. This Queen, Lucas, Margaret, Sniffle-bottom, Jefferson the twelfth... say hi."

"Hi Queen, Lucas, Margaret, Sniffle-bottom, Jefferson the twelfth!" M&M waved enthusiastically. A stomped over to them, ripped Q.L.M.S-B.J from Near's hand and threw him across the room, watching Near stare after him in horror.

"QUEEN, LUCAS, MARGARET, SNIFF-" His scream was cut off by A.

"Shut up, pipsqueak," A glared down at the albino, who took a couple steps back.

"A~! Don't be so 'grr' be more 'rawr'~!" Matt sang, A redirected his glare to the happy gamer. Out of no where a pair of sunglasses seemed to appear on A's face, as well as steam coming from his ears.

"**D**o**n**'**t** c**a**l**l** m**e A**!**"** A yelled, this is when L decided to come back with a small bag.

"Who wants make-overs!?" He asked, he had smeared blue lipstick on his mouth leading to his chin, and a lot of mascara, he looked like he was crying but the large, clown-like smile on his face said otherwise.

"Oh, oh! Mells let's get one, pleeeeeaaaase?" Matt begged his blonde friend.

"O-okay!" The blonde agreed shyly, Matt cheered. Just as L was about to start his masterpieces, Linda threw open the door.

L! Give me back my-" She cut herself off seeing the boys. A was ripping (sometimes biting) the heads off of Near's action figures, Near was telling the wall how much of a 'stupid-meanie-pants' A was being, L was wearing _**make up**_ and _**smiling**_, Matt looked like he was glowing, Mello was wearing Matt's goggles and he seemed slightly terrified and happy at the same time.

And B? He was in a shopping cart, riding down the stairs, covered in grape, apricot, strawberry, and apple jam, playing 'I'm a gummy bear' on his I-pod.

"...Never mind then." Linda said, she shut the door and went to her room._ 'There are some things in life you just can't un-see... that would be one of those things.'_

"Oh this color will really bring out your eyes Matt!" L said excitedly, he was holding pink eye-liner.

"Let me try it!" Matt grabbed it and started putting it on his eyebrows instead of his eyes. "So? How do I look?"

L literally got on his knees and bowed. "Like an angel!"

"Hey if you girls are done playing dress up, I'm playing Slender: The Eight fucking pages!" A swore, sitting at the desk he faced the computer and glared at the screen.

_'Load already you damn piece of metal shit...'_ He thought impatiently.

"I'll play with you Avery!" B stated, he jumped out of the shopping cart, before it crashed into Near, and sat beside A.

"I-I'll play too..." Mello said quietly, he politely asked Matt to go with him, his friend agreed. Soon enough they were all gathered around the computer watching A walk around while B used the flash light.

"I think I saw a page!" Near said, pointing at the screen, B started flipping the fuck out.

"Where!?" He ended up taking over the controls and made the person in every direction.

"B, let me walk dammit!"

"Shut up A! You're scaring Mells!"

"Good for me! And for the last time, **don't call me A!**"

"A's a meanie pants, L! Make him go away!"

"Near you're totally crashing my style! You should totally, like, get a new outfit! I'll have Watari get you the prettiest, most fab, outfit you'll ever see!" L said, flipped his hair twice, and stared at the screen. B and A were still fighting over the controls, making the view go every where.

"Slendy must think the person B and A are controlling is having a seizure. Or an orgasm. Or both." Matt said, he stared at the screen boredly, thinking of what the urban legend would do in this scenario.

**Somewhere in a forest in Germany...**

"What the...?" A faceless, tall man stared at a man on the ground twitching while looking in every direction. His flashlight, as well as a couple pages, layed forgotten near to the person's twitching form.

"What did you do to him, sir?" A boy asked, he wore a white mask and yellow sweater.

"I haven't even done anything yet, Masky." Slenderman replied.

"A-are y-y-you g-gonna k-kill h-him, s-sir?" Another boy wearing a orange hoodie stuttered.

"That would put the poor creature out of his misery Hoodie," Slenderman sighed. "I guess I'll do the humans a favor, just this once."

**Back in England, Winchester.**

"Aw dammit B! The oh so scary Slendy-man got us!" A grumbled, B glared at him.

"It's not my fault! It's L's!"

"How is it, like, my fault?" L asked as he finished painting his nails bright pink and yellow.

"It just is!" B exclaimed proudly, even though there wasn't really anything to be proud of. "Besides, you're the one who said there was a page!"

"I wanna pin wheel!" Near said randomly, Mello looked at him before putting his pointer fingers together, he was blushing because Matt was in his personal space, and he looked really awkward. (Hinata moment much? O.O)

"I-I don't h-have a-a pinwheel, I-I'm s-sorry," Near looked at him before smiling widely.

"Let's get icecream!" Near said and proceeded to drag Mello away from the arguing teenagers.

"Hey! Don't kidnap Mells, he's my best friend noy yours, Sheep!" Matt whined, he followed the bipolar albino. They wandered the same corridor due to the fact Near couldn't find any ice cream.

Mean while B, L and A were trying to murder each other. Well, A and B were, L was just sitting in front of the computer looking up fancy ball room dresses.

"Oh my, _those_ shoes with_ that_ dress?" L muttered to himself. "Such a shame~"

"Shut, UP, GIRLY MAN!" A bellowed as B kicked him in the shin. "Ow!"

About half an hour later, Roger deemed it safe for them to stay in that room where they couldn't kill anyone but each other. This involved them sitting on the center of the floor, staring at each other, waiting for the someone to make the first move. At some point they got into teams so they were basically reenacting the Hunger Games.

"..." They continued to stare in silence until L noticed something; it was dusty but looked like it still worked. Slowly, trying not to provake anyone into attacking him, he stood up and went over to the object.

He looked it over and practically squealed, causing Matt to flail, B to face palm, Near and Mello almost cried, and A to glare at him.

"What the hell's your problem, girly man?" He snapped, L proceeded to hug the object and grin like the Cheshire cat.

"It's a karaoke machine!"

"..."

After a lot of arguing over who would sing first, Near was standing on a make-shift stage (a couple boxes placed against the wall with glitter on them), and he was holding a microphone.

The song started, and so did the albino's singing...

"Baby can't you see, I'm calling, a guy like you should wear a warning. It's dangerous, I'm falling. There's no escape, I can't wait, I need a hit. Baby give me it, you're dangerous, I love it," Near continued to sing to little heart out while guys like Matt and L cheered.

Soon enough it was Matt's turn... Oh god.

Matt stood on the 'stage' and waved, Mello _shyly_ waved back.

"Hello Wammy's House!" He yelled into the microphone. "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!?"

"Yeah!" B and Near yelled.

"S-sure," Mello stuttered.

Matt grinned, A, expecting heavy metal, almost fell over with the rest of the males when he heard the song.

"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout; Here is my handle, here is my stout." Yes, Matt was singing I'm A Little Tea Pot, he was even doing the actions. How hardcore.

"When I get all steamed up I just shout. So tip me over and pour me out!" A couple lyrics later and it was silent. L started a slow clap which soon turned into cheering.

Then B started singing. Luckily it was fairly normal._ Fairly_ normal.

"There's a girl across the street from me, I buried her son beneath the tree. I don't know why she's mad at me, he was stinking up my garage, you see!" B sang, surprisingly well.

_'This song... I can already tell it's his theme song.'_ The more rational part of A deadpanned, then B started the next verse...

"I met a cute boy, he liked my smile. We fell in love for a little while. He kissed me on the lips and it tasted sweet, so I chopped him into peices and cooked his meat~" After about two minutes that song ended.

They continued singing karaoke for an hour until Roger came back.

"Turn off the music!" He then slammed the door shut and stopped down the hall.

_'Don't they realize it's 7:30!?'_ Let's face it, he's an old man who needs a lot of sleep. And something reduce stress but no child at Wammy's would allow that, even the ones that actually _liked_ Roger.

No one did anything, before Roger threw open the door A was about to sing Zombie so this was awkward.

"U-um..." Mello cleared his throat nervously. "M-maybe we should p-play S-SCP C-containment Breech, o-only if you want to though!"

Everyone sat in front of the computer once again, this time it was Matt and Mello playing while everyone watched/gave horrible advice/and or did something valgar. (*hint, hint* A and B *hint, hint*)

"Come on, where are you little sock, puppet fucker..." Matt muttered, in stead of trying to avoid SCP-173, he convinced Mello to look for it with him.

A couple minutes later, their person blinked and SCP-173 was happily standing in front of them, scaring the shit out of half of the drunkards.

"OMFG!" L. Clearly L.

An hour of gaming passed, Near ended up fainting at some point while B and Matt got in a drinking contest, they passed out after Matt's third drink.

"Sooooo, now what?" L asked, A was about to speak but Mello banged his head on the desk and fell on the floor unconscious.

"Ugh... I'm gonna go get some pain killers," A was a bit of a dick when he was drunk, but he was also smart.

Sadly he couldn't make it out the door since he himself passed out.

L stood there, pouting. He placed his hands on his hips and sighed. "Aw, now it's just me!"

Just then a evil glint appeared in his eyes, he smirked and grabbed the make-up bag he 'borrowed' and took out some lipstick, blush, and eye shadow.

"This is gonna be fun~!"

...

The next day, everyone slowly woke up with massive headaches. Mello was the first person to wake up, then B, then L, for now the rest were asleep.

"Ugh... I feel like my head was hit with a damn plane," The blonde groaned, not used to the pain of having a hangover. "I don't even remember what happened last night..."

""That's what usually happens when you're drunk Mello-jello," B yawned, he was about to get some pain killers when he noticed the rest of the boys's faces. He stared at Mello and L trying to process what he saw.

"Back u- B, why are you staring at us?" L corrected himself, no point angering B when he was being creepy. This was when Panda man noticed B, mello, and the rest of his sleeping successors faces, Mello did as well.

"Uh... You've got something on your face..." B said awkwardly._ 'Should I be laughing right now?'_

"Yeah... you too..." Mello said, just then Matt woke up.

"Hey guys... what're you looking at?" The gamer asked, when he saw everyone's faces he cracked a grin. "Aw, did you go to a beauty parlor last night?"

Mello fumed. "You're no better Mattie!" Matt frowned and touched his face, it felt funny.

He ignored his headache and ran to the bathroom at a speed no gamer should possess. Soon after, B, Mello, and L trailed behind him.

Matt stared at his reflection in shock. He was wearing a lot of blue eye shadow, there was lip stick smeared on his lips leading to his chin, and there was mascara dripping from his eyes.

"..." He said nothing and continued to stare. "What the hell happened to me!?"

"At least you're not wearing _pink_!" Mello panicked, he on the other hand had pink lip stick, blush, and really thick eye shadow. Basically the make up made him look even more feminine. "My manliness!"

"This... is awkward as hell." B face palmed. He didn't even want to except the fact he had lip stick on. "And Mello-jello if anyone here should worry about their manliness it definitely shouldn't be you."

L was stunned. He had pink and yellow nail polish and enough make up to put clowns to shame.

"Hey guys," a quiet voice made them turn to the door. A was standing there, wiping his eyes with Near standing next to him looking... quite disturbed.

"What happened?" A asked, he only had mascara on so he didn't really care that much, Near on the other hand looked like a freaking China doll.

"Bllr-BLAR!"

Near threw up on his and A's feet.

"Disgusting..." A muttered, it was awkward feeling mushy, warm, vomit in between your toes. It reminded him of that time he and B replaced Roger's facial cream with Mello's vomit that one time when he was sick.

We're getting off topic.

"..."

"We never speak of this whole situation again, agreed?" B offered, crossing his fingers behind his back. What? He needed blackmail material.

"Agreed."

"Oh, and we're never drinking again!"

...

...See? Boredom is a beautiful, deadly thing. And the make up thing... I don't know anything about make up so eh. Then again I'm not old enough to drink yet I know about the after effects. -.-

So we've learned some valuable information; when the Wammy boys are drunk, they're not even the standard type of drunk person~

Oh and in case you're wondering, the song B sang was Be My Friend by One Eyed Doll (amazing band). As for the people we didn't sing in the story, L sang World is Mine by Hatsune Miku (because that makes total sense), Matt sang Two's two May by Crown The Empire, Mello sang I'm a Barbie Girl, and A sang I Wanna Be a Super Hero by Kagamine Len.

I hope I didn't just ruin your day, and in stead made you laugh, sayonara~


End file.
